Glynn's JACKtionary - words you never knew you needed, but need NOW

Who else but Glynn would be qualified to rewrite the dictionary?

Bashmatic

From the word ‘Basmati’ – a type of Indian rice and the word ‘asthma’ – a medical condition.  It describes the type of person who goes for a curry and always orders the hottest thing on the menu.  Then, when they eat it, they wheeze so hard it seems like they have asthma.  For example…

‘He likes the butter chicken, but he always orders the vindaloo, he was wheezing so hard I thought he was basmatic.

See also ‘Kormaeleon’ – from the curry dish ‘Korma’ and ‘Chameleon, the colour changing animal.  This describes a person who, by contrast, orders the tamest dish on the menu, but then insists on trying all the other curries on the table, some making them go red, and some making their face go pale. For example:

‘Did you see how many colours her face went, she’s a right Kormaeleon.’

Rebrownding

From the word ‘resounding’, meaning amplified or greater, and the surname of Prime Minister Gordon Brown.  This word is used almost exclusively as a sarcastic term – suggesting a lack of success in a policy or action which should really have been a real crowd pleaser.  For example:

‘Oh, the trade deal you signed the week that Northern Rock collapsed was a rebrownding success, wasn’t it?’

See also ‘Cameronbelieveable’

From the word ‘unbelievable’ and Cameron, from the leader of the opposition.  This describes a policy that seems to be popular, but at the same time seems too good to be true.  For example:

‘So, the Conservatives are going to cut taxes and improve the NHS and education, that’s a little Cameronbelieveable, isn’t it?’

Chronillogical

From the word ‘chronology’ - meaning an ordered passage of time, and the word illogical meaning not logical.  This word describes when time goes much slower or quicker than you think it should.  For example:

‘Writing that letter has taken me three hours, then yesterday I made three deals on the phone in fifteen minutes – it’s chronillogical.

See also chronplimentray

Also from the word ‘chronology’ and the word ‘complimentary’.  When you whip up something very quickly that people think you’ve spent ages on.

‘Oh, no – don’t worry, it didn’t take me long at all - I just cooked it from frozen, I didn’t do much at all, but that’s very chronplimentray of you’.

Whoahbese

From the exclamation ‘whoah’ and the adjective describing the clinical condition of being too heavy, namely ‘obese’.  When you see somebody who is so fat that you’re surprised that their thigh bones don’t snap under the weight, and you suspect that they may wash themselves with a rag on a stick.

‘Now, I’ve seen some fat people in my time, but thjat guy is Whoahbese!’

See also Skinexplicable

From the word ‘skinny’ and the word ‘inexplicale’.  When you see somebody so thin you wonder how they actually managed to fit all of the organs necessary for functioning as a human in their body.  For example:

‘Did you see those catwalk models, somebody needs to invent a sandwich cannon to fire food in their mouths, they’re just skinexplicable!’